There needs to be change. Change in me. Change in you. Change in the world. Change in my pocket, just kidding ;). But really, I feel like we’re on the brink of something. Like a social change. A cultural event. Something large and impacting. I feel this’ll be love driven. I know we often use war as a means of solving difference of opinions. And though I’m not one to bash war or the brave people who risk their lives to do so, I do believe there must be another route out. We invest so much strength and effort in hate for change, why not love? Why can’t compassion work just as well. It’s just as strong and moving emotion as hate. I feel a base problem for much arguing may be a lack of expression towards gratefulness or respect for one another. I’m the kind of person who needs to be shown love and affection to really feel it. I just think if we could put our minds in the set of caring for each other rather than our differences, we’d be on a much faster track to peace.
So, Ash Wednesday. A time for forgiveness..for focus..for renewal. We can be dastardly little people, getting caught in the day to day. We commit harsh actions and say things we don’t necessarily mean. We need time to slow down for awhile and just think. Think about what matters to us. What we find important. Why it is we even get up in the morning.
Lent is the perfect time to do such thing. We spend time not only on God, and in our forgiveness, but also with the inner workings of ourselves. We start to see ourselves through the solitude. Which is a place I feel we fear to go. We would rather being anywhere but completely alone in times of reflection. It reveals our character flaws. It opens us up to who we really are. But when we have millions of distractions before our eyes, those “little” imperfections get lost in the hype.
Why is it that we’re so uncomfortable with recognizing our own mistakes and flaws, but not others? Is it truly easier to critic others than ourselves? Or is it we’d rather not put effort into change even knowing what or who we are isn’t a good thing?
Now, I feel hypocritical bringing such things up. I myself am no crown jewel nor do I put all I have in to improving my person. But of course we can’t change all at once. Change needs to manifest in small, rational decisions in our lives. And though it rarely happens, it needs to be completely unbiased and based on what we really want. We may feel that what everyone pushes on us is what we want..but I think if we push back the layers..we’ll find our true selves somewhere.
So does such inner strength exist? Or is all that we’re willing to accomplish stemmed from divine sources. If it is in our hands, then maybe it’s easier than we believe it to be. Change can be scary though. It removes the dependency and comfort we had in our old ways. It’s like jumping quick from warm air into cold water. We need time to adjust.. to cool down. But it’s definitely possible.
But coming back in to this repentance theme, we also can’t get caught in the past. We screw up, it’s a human thing to do. But where we go wrong is harping on the bad. We can realize and grow from our mistakes, but not if we don’t move out of them. There’s no room to forgive when we’re sulking in our troubles.
Then there’s the opposite….living too far ahead of ourselves. Always feeling we need to plan far down the road, while forgetting we have current issues to deal with. Planning is good, but not obsession on how events will work out. Because there is no real way of knowing until it happens.
It’s a balancing act. Trying to have a little bit of both perspectives, while not stressing from either. But it’s never too late. We can always turn around..try to become better than who we were.
We were made from very little, and one day, You will return from which you came. -jz
We all want it right? Someone to be committed to, to set apart from everyone else..to talk to about anything. Whether you call it dating, or just a special friend…it’s still there. It’s always so tempting, having one person you know that’s dedicated to you, and who thinks something of you. To have somebody to fall asleep texting or just to be able to smile thinking about. It’s ideal really. But how does this happen..how does one get there? Does some pursuing on one end need to occur in order for anything to spark, or is it by fate that you enter each other’s worlds? And is it honestly worth it? Is setting one person apart, especially at a young age the right thing to do? Maybe it leads to broken hearts and bitter rivalries which never should’ve existed in the first place. But maybe that’s it..maybe it’s just getting in too deep. Surely two people can be involved without getting too seriously intertwined in their significant other. I mean, I could be looking at it all wrong. But as far as I’m concerned, the other end…the loneliness…or singledom..isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Either may have its benefits, but either way..people need people to thrive. Or maybe that’s just me. But even so, mostly if you were offered a good relationship with someone appealing to you..wouldn’t you take it? -jz
I can get rather flustered when it comes to my family. They have a way of saying exactly the right thing to tick me off. When said action occurs, I feel that anger rising up within myself. Tossing and fermenting until it pits deep down in the depths of my stomach. Sometimes more, sometimes less. But every once in awhile, I need to let go of a little so there’s room for more to stay. This happens randomly when one tends to push me past that point of rage. They didn’t necessarily cause me to be so infuriated, but were just the receiving end from some comment or another they made.
Now, some may say that this is rather unhealthy…keeping feelings bottled up, only to be released by an uncontrollable urge to let out some of the anger inside. But, I find it’s almost just as bad the other way around. For I feel if I expressed how someone made me angry, directly in the moment they do, I’d lose control of myself and potentially be worse than if I took time to think it over. Of course this is how problems are created with our loved ones that get the fiercer sides of our personality..But I believe overall it comes down to controlling our words and feelings to stay in a leveled and positive area. Also to not let how we’re being treated by everyone to hit so deep. That might make me sound slightly hypocritical, but still, it’s an ideal. Why can’t we accept what we are solely because someone tells us how negative being ourselves is? -jz